Whether it is a 3 minute break
away from a whiny child, or a 2 hour break that includes girlfriends and
margaritas, all moms need a break. When I
lived in a small town and was involved with the Fire & Rescue Squad. I got a lot of breaks… some when I needed
them, others when I didn’t, or quite often when I was sleeping. Sometimes the “breaks” were a quick, non
critical medical call and then a nice break at the fire station with fellow
squad members. Other times, the break
was an incredible tragedy followed by a “break” consisting of emotional
breakdowns, graphic reflection, the affirmation of continual support from your
crew members and more often than not a pack or two of cigarettes. It’s a
proven that emergency workers deal with an excessive amount of stress (if you
want to argue with that, you can dream my dreams one night). Many people associate smoking with being a
form of stress relief. If you’ve ever pumped on the chest of a 90
year old man while his wife looks to you to save her life partner, you know
what it means to have an incredible amount of stress on your performance. If you know what it’s like to search for a
child on a snowmobile trail for hours in the worst snowstorm of the year in
jeans and tennis shoes, you know what it’s like to put your own needs aside. If you know what it’s like to stand on an
interstate in the middle of a full moon night surrounded by 6 helicopters, 9
different fire agencies, more than 20 squad cars, an over turned semi and 3 bus
loads full of injured high school band students; you know what it’s like to stand
in awe over what you have just witnessed.
Stick with me, I’ll get to the point, I promise.
Additionally to my medical
training, I was trained in Critical Incident Stress Debriefing (CISD) and did
numerous stress debriefings for emergency services workers involved in critical
incidents. A critical incident is described
as a traumatic situation that has effected one, many or all members involved in
a call, be they fire personnel, law enforcement, dispatch, and medical personnel. Typically, any incident involving a child, a traumatic
death, or an incident involving a member of one’s own squad qualifies as a
critical incident, among other incidents.
Members of a crew involved in a critical incident can experience
symptoms associated with post traumatic stress disorder. It was my job to help them sort through their
angers, questions, sadness’, nightmares, etc.
As a member of the debriefing team, I was taught a phrase that has stuck
with me into mother hood. We are trained
to teach people that they are having “normal reactions to an abnormal situation”,
and that is where motherhood and servicehood meet with respect to breaks. Ready for the comparison?
As mothers, isn’t almost every
single situation we come across on a day to day basis some sort of abnormal
situation? There is no instruction
manual. We don’t have policy and procedures
to follow. There are no standard
operating guidelines to define what you do when your 4 year old punches you in
the face. Crayon artwork on the wall-
abnormal situation. Bottle of baby
powder emptied on your carpet- abnormal situation. French fry stuck in a
nostril- abnormal situation. Economy
size can of Big Sexy Hair hairspray used to coat the bathroom mirror- abnormal
situation. Being a mother is nothing but
a series of abnormal situations that we have to react to. Normal reactions to an abnormal situation…some
days I wish I had more normal reactions to those situations, but hey… bad
moments don’t make bad moms… right!?
Hang tight, I’m getting to the point.
I used to get breaks…I no longer
get those breaks. I served on a Rescue
Squad for 7 years and resigned due to a family move that left us 1,000 miles outside of
the squad response area. Really, I
wanted to remain on the squad, but I feared that my response time to scenes
would not have been acceptable. I miss
those sporadic “breaks” from motherhood.
Moving 1000 miles from home and
being thrown into a role that I haven’t ever played before, has some of the
same stresses as my previous life as an emergency worker. There are so many similarities- stress on
performance, putting my own needs aside, and standing in awe at what I’ve just
seen…but being a stay at home mom, these moments are more than just
sporadic. These are things I do more
than several times a day. Hard things several times
a day = much more of a need for a mommy break.
Are you ready for the main
point of this whole post?
I’m terribly embarrassed to admit
this, but I am a very new former smoker. I quit
smoking in light of my recent hospital stay. I started smoking when I was young (because it
was cool) and continued into my adult life where it was an addiction, a crutch
and a coping mechanism for dealing with the “hard things”; I’ve smoked on and
off for the past 13 years. No need to
tell me about how bad smoking is. I
know. Almost every member of my family
who has passed has passed because of some form of cancer. I know the risks. No need to lecture me about how much of a
terrible thing it is for me to be a mother and smoke. I quit when I was pregnant and I NEVER smoked
in the car or in the house with my children, and I hope you can understand that
I am embarrassed to have been such a negative influence to my children. No need to tell me about how much time or
money I’ve wasted on smoking… I’ve done the math, I get it. 128 minutes a day for the past 3 years =
2,336 hours. Let’s not even get started
on the money part of it because all I can think about is how many pairs of
shoes my daughter and I could have in our closets right now and that makes me (and her)
sad.
Here’s my battle- I figured it
would be easy to quit while I was in the hospital… and I was right. It was super easy while I was in the hospital…
but being at home is different. I need a
break! I need a moment of silence. When the kids get a little whiny, all I can
think about is a cigarette. When I get
done cleaning the bathroom, all I can do is think about rewarding myself with a
cigarette. It was my break- it was my
reward for a job well done or it was my few minutes of peace with no one
tugging on my leg asking me to do something.
It WAS the only silence I got every day.
Now it’s been 7 days since I have been a non smoker. It has been easy up until today. By now, all the nicotine is gone from my
system and I don’t have the actual chemical craving anymore, but I miss the
action of getting a break. Today was a
tough day and I can honestly say, it was a tough day because all I could do was
think about having a break. I’m not
giving in though. I don’t want my kids
to kiss an ashtray. I’m on a mission to
be a MOMentous mom. Some days it’s
tough, some days it’s not. I can do hard
things. Until I can conquer this
physical craving of getting my breaks each day, I will spend my 128 minutes a
day writing and skimming Pinterest, because dangit, Mommy deserves a
break.
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